The Night After

Howdy.  So, now that it's about a week and a half since the actual loss of my virginity, the whole thing is a lot less shocking.  First because I had been saying for a while about how I'd just wanted it over with and I can't really mourn it's loss when it was exactly what I wanted.  Also because I have other things to think about.  I'm a busy gal.

But I think I'm kind of feeling like writing about the night after I lost my virginity before I completely forget it. So here it is!

The next day, I'd told my friend who'd accompanied me to the beach about it because I couldn't just go to bed with it and pretend it didn't happen.  That's not healthy. And, honestly, she's about as crazy as it gets in my group of friends so she'd probably be the closest to understand. 

She knew, but I didn't have strong feelings about it at the time and, really, I still don't.  So the next day, we were invited back again.  Like I said before, beach hook ups with strangers aren't all that uncommon, especially in this day and age, so I didn't expect anyone to make a big deal of it.

We got there earlier that day, more like nine at night.  When we knocked on the door, David was the one to answer.  He wasn't wearing a shirt.  Just thought I'd throw that out there.  We made eye contact and he kind of half-smiled and half-smirked at me.  Then he stepped back and allowed us in the room.

I took into account the fact that there were definitely more people there that night than the night before.  And, again, the girl from the beach screamed my name as I entered.  After she screamed my name, there was an extremely loud and obvious chorus of "Isa!" and a lot of cat calls and hollering.  It was so fucking obvious what they were laughing at.  I didn't think it would affect me as much as it did.  I automatically shut down and decided I couldn't deal with it.

I mean, it didn't really matter what they thought of me.  I don't care if they thought I was a slut.  I don't care if they knew I puked on his bed sheets.  I don't care if they knew I was a virgin.  It doesn't fucking matter because I'm never going to see them again after this trip.  All they knew about me was my hometown and my first name.  Do you know how many people there are in my hometown with my first name? A whole fucking lot.  So it doesn't matter what they thought because they don't fucking know me. 

Just getting that out there.

I turned to my friend, who was still standing there blocking the door, and said "Yeah, they're talking about how we had sex. I can't do it."

She looked concerned and we both walked down the stairs of their duplex.  As soon as we got all the way down there, the girl from the beach comes barrelling down the stairs to convince us not to leave.

"Isa, where are you going?!" She was screeching and she was so fucking drunk.

"Home, I'm not comfortable here."

"Why would you do that?"  Like David the night before, she sounded so fucking stupid.  And drunk.  And, not for the first time, I wondered what the fuck I had gotten myself into.

"Why would ya'll talk about my sex life?" I asked without really thinking about it. 

"I hadn't even heard anything about that!" she swore.  "We were just laughing because we're smashing beer cans on our heads because we're so fucking drunk!" Somehow, she convinced me and my friend to go back upstairs.  Maybe I was just being paranoid.  I still don't know if that's what they were laughing about that.

When we walked back into the room, David wasn't there.  A lot of other girls were there, however. Well, a lot compared to the night before.  We were probably equal to the amount of guys, now. I sit back down on the seat that I occupied the night before.

I carried a bottle of Gatorade with me because my stomach had been really upset all day.  I told myself I wasn't going to drink.  Maybe I'd smoke, but the only bottle I'd nurse was my sports drink.

David walked back into the kitchen a few minutes later.  Still not wearing a shirt.  He sat down next to me and launched into the story of the house's conversation after my friend and I had left the night before. 

Apparently, they were talking about some "heavy shit" and we would cry if we'd heard their conversation.  It was usual stoner talk - death, conspiracies, whatthefuckever.  I hate those conversations.  They're pointless and stupid and I don't involve myself in them.  So I tried to steer clear of diving into that conversation again and said, "I'm sure I would, so we should probably choose another topic."

David didn't listen.  Instead, he spent the next twenty minutes rambling off some drunken story of some kid who he played football that had leukemia.  I did what I could, but for the life of me, I couldn't follow a single word of that story.  He talking and slurring, talking and slurring.  I have no idea what the hell he was talking about.

After he had concluded his story (finally), he crossed his arms on the table and laid his head down.  If I hadn't been sitting next to him and could see that he wasn't sleeping, I would've assumed he'd passed out. But, alas, he was concious as ever. 

So, naturally, we played another drinking game.  This one with a deck of cards.  It wasn't as fun that time because there was only five of us - me, my friend, some random chick that hadn't been there the night before, the guy from the beach, and another guy that had been there the night before.  The random chick introduced herself, but she had a weird name and I can't remember it.  She was drinking a Mike's Hard Lemonade. Pussy.

She was also attempting to flirt with David the whole night. Haha.

Anyway, it also wasn't fun because I wasn't drinking.  My stomach was in knots just like it had been all day.  After a while, everyone kind of dispersed to do their own thing.  I was asked to go out on the porch to smoke, but I declined.  My friend, however, accepted.  That left me, David, and the random chick at the kitchen table. 

David was still at that half-passed-out state.  I just kind of sat there for a while before another group of four or so girls came barrelling through the front door.  I smiled at them a little.  David didn't move.  A minute or so went by before I decided I would go out and smoke. 

Before I got up from the table, though, David lifted his head a little and rested it against my upper arm.  I wasn't really sure why he did that, but I ran my fingers through his hair.  And then I realized how much time my hands spent in that hair the night before and quickly withdrew my hand. It was a little awkward after that so as soon as he picked his head back up, I stood up to go to the porch.  As I passed David, I touched his back - kind of like patted it a little. 

I got half way across the living room before I realized that I left my phone on the bench next to David.  I walked back and got it.  He still hadn't moved. Fucking weird.

When I got to the back porch, it was me, my friend, and the two guys and the girl we met on the beach.  When I stepped out, the girl from the beach looked behind me and a look of extreme confusion crossed her face. "Isa? Where's David?" she asked.

I think she expected us to be, like, a package deal or something. Or that he would follow me around wherever I went. But, honestly, why would he?  I'm sure he's had tons of lays and I'm just one of them.  I wasn't special and I probably wasn't even the youngest.  So I just shrugged.

She breezed past me saying, "I'll go get him."

I rolled my eyes because it was so fucking obvious the way she was playing match-maker.  She was trying to set up my friend with guy from the beach, too.  So fucking obvious.  She didn't even try to hide it.

Her boyfriend offered me the bowl, so I took a couple hits before giving it back to him.  Marijuana isn't really my thing, but when it's offered, I'll usually accept. 

I must have looked really deep in thought or something because her boyfriend asked me, "What's wrong?"

"Your girlfriend is so obvious," I replied.  We both snorted at that and smiled.  He was probably the nicest guy there.

Needless to say, David never came on the back porch.  A few minutes later, though, we all headed back into the kitchen to sit at the table and David was still there. Same position and everything.

I opted for another seat across the table instead of next to him.  The other girls that had come in were also sitting at the table and talking to the guys already seated.

I wasn't really listening until they started to explain that their room got raided by the police. My friend and I shared a wary look before she asked me if I was ready to leave.

A little background knowledge of me and my friend: we're closet partiers.  We're from upper-middle-class families in a big city and small school.  Not a lot of people know that we smoke, drink, and get a little wild sometimes.  Getting arrested or a written warning would be sure to change that. 

I easily agreed because no way in fucking hell are we getting caught here.  We said our goodbyes and David still. Didn't. Fucking, Move.

So I decided whatthefuckever and let the guy from the beach that was trying to hook up with my friend walk us out the door.  He asked us why we had to leave and my friend explained that we were just sketching out about the cops.

He got all understanding and tried to convince us that it was nothing big - their place had been raided every night and nothing ever happened.  Which, hah, didn't calm us down at all. 

"Can you just, honestly, tell me what ya'll were laughing about when came over, please?" I had to ask before we left.  As much as it didn't really matter, it was still only mine and David's business what we did in that room.

He went along with the same story that the girl from the beach gave us which gave me a little peice of mind.

"Just... don't let David say anything," I said.  He nodded and I walked away a little to give him some privacy with my friend.

He swindled a little kiss out of her.  I knew she didn't like him like that at all, but I'm not really in a position to judge.

We said goodbye and headed back to her condo without much conversation.  My friend was, again, blazed out of her fucking mind.



I thought seeing David again would make me feel a little better about what had happened.  If anything, though, it just made me feel worse.  At the end of the day, though, it's kind of a whatever experience.  I can hold on to the fortune of knowing that I'll never have to see any of them again.

I Lost It

Hi. For now, my name is Isa. That's not my real name. But that's not really important.
I'm not really comfortable sharing this information with anyone that knows me, so I'm posting it anonymously because no one's actually going to read this.  However, I'm pretty positive just writing it out and having it out there in black and white is going to somehow make a difference. So here
goes.

Four days ago, I lost my virginity.  I'm Catholic, but I'm not strict about my religion and my virginity was never something super sacred to me.  For the longest time, I just wanted to get it over with because when I get in a real, long-term relationship I don't want it to be a big thing that I don't necessarily know what I'm doing in that department.  Sex was the only sexual experience I hadn't had.  And really, there's no other way to put it - I just wanted out of being labelled a virgin.

I have a large group of best friends and they're all vigins.  Except for me, now.  And that's why I can't go to them.  The friends I have outside of that group aren't virgins.  But "people outside of that group" also includes the guy I've been pining after for about three years, so that's also a no-go.  I was sick of being the only person in my outside group of friends that still had their virginity.  It made me the butt of a lot of jokes.  Not like I was prude or anything.  It was just an experience I didn't have and everyone else did.
I'm going to make this clear: I don't regret it, I don't hate myself for it, and I don't consider myself a slut. Maybe you'll think I am after I lay the story out, but that's fine. You don't know me and I don't know you. Anonymity is a wonderful thing, huh?  So now I'm going to divulge to you the story of how I lost my virginity.

My friend owns a summer home on the East Coast.  Last week, the first week of summer vacation, we spent some time down there with her sister and her mother.  Let me tell you about my friend - she's average height, slim, and gorgeous. And while I'm certainly not ugly, I am awkwardly tall and don't look nearly as good in a bikini as she does.  So many times, guys would hit on her and I would just get overlooked. I'm used to it because we've been friends for a while, but after so many times, it kind of wounds a girl's ego, you know? I didn't even realize how wounded my ego was. Hah.

Anyway, the night we got there, we went on a late night walk on the beach.  Her mother is more strict than my own, although she's definitely more lenient than many of my other friend's mothers.  We left her summer home around ten and were asked to return by midnight. Around eleven, we met a couple of guys and a girl on the beach.  They introduced themselves and asked if we wanted to drink with them that night.  They explained that they were at the beach for senior week and that they thought we could use a good party.  We told them we were only juniors, but they were cool about it and we accepted their invitation.  One of the guys exchanged numbers with my friend (because she's super hot) and they texted that night.  We weren't able to sneak out that night, but two nights later, we had our chance.

So that night, the same thing happened. We left the home around ten and were asked to be home by midnight.  We typed the address into our phones to guide us there, but we ended up getting lost.  Actually, we walked two miles when the place that they were staying at was only about two blocks down the street from where we were staying at. My friend called the guy she was texting and told him of our dilemma and he offered to meet us where my friend and I were staying because he knew exactly where it was.  We easily agreed and met him there.

He brought a friend - one we hadn't met yet. And he's the turning point, so I'm going to give him a name. I'm changing names, guys. Heads up.  Let's name him... David.  So David introduced himself and we returned the favor.  David paid a lot of attention to me, which I really liked because I had bruised ego, remember?  It was a nice change of pace.  So we got to the place they were staying which was a duplex where you could rent the top floor or the bottom floor.  They had the top floor. 

When we walked in, the girl we met on the beach screamed my name because she remembered me.  Then she asked me what my friend's name was because she had forgotten.  I liked that probably more than I should because I kind of smirked before letting her know my friend's name.  We all sat down at the table and David sat next to me.  Me, my friend, and the girl from the beach were the only girls there.  There were probably about eight or so guys there.  We started to play a drinking game. Not long after starting, though, we run out of beer.  David hops up and offers to make a beer run.  That's when I realized that he's 21.  I'm a couple weeks short of being 17.
The game we're playing involves quaters, and when David comes back, he has to hand me a quarter for me to take my turn.  When he gave me the quater, he would kind of carress my fingers, which sounds weird, but whatever.  You know what I mean - we were flirting. Giggling and touching, the whole shebang.
After two and a half cans of beer, I'm feeling slightly more than tipsy and it's eleven o'clock.  David gets up and starts dancing in the living room which is open to the dining room - like one big room.  The girl from the beach says "Isa! Go dance with David!"  So I did.  I didn't think anything of it - we were grinding and stuff, but I do that at prom and dances and even in the living room with my friends, so I didn't think it was like a big deal or anything.  And it wasn't.
Eventually, me and David are dancing so that we're facing each other.  I could feel him - I knew he was hard.  But I was drunk so I started laughing into his neck.
Another thing I want to make clear - David is my type to a fucking T.  He's tall, lean, blonde, southern... older.  He meets like all of my hook-up qualifications.  So I'm totally not some slut that hooks up with a bunch of random guys at the beach. I'm just picky and this guy was like, perfect.
When I started laughing, he pulled back a little and I did too and then BAM. We were making out. Out of fucking nowhere. But, like I said, he was my type and exactly what I look for so I let him kiss me senseless in front of everyone else there.
So we're basically standing in the middle of the room now making out.  I'm sure no one was like watching us intently or anything.  I mean, it's kind of the norm for strangers to hook up at drunken beach parties, right? Yeah.
After a few minutes, I decide I want more and start to play with the elastic band of his basketball shorts.  His hands are roaming, too, but I keep mine on the rim of his shorts for a while and he gets it.  He pulls back and says, "You want these off?" 
For some reason, my drunken brain thought he meant my clothes, but I just kind of wanted it to be about him, so I pulled on his shorts and said "I want these off."
To which he replied with a simple, "Alright then," and then led me to what I'm assuming was his bedroom.  My friend and I had an agreement that we wouldn't leave each other if either of us were uncomfortable being alone, so I looked back at her in the dining room.  She was laughing and making plans to go smoke some weed out on the back porch.  I took that as a good sign and allowed David to pull me into the room.
The room was directly on the other side of the living room.  It had two double beds in it.  It was definitely a room for two guys - clothes littered the floor and the room positively reeked of Axe body spray.  As soon as we were both in the room, we started making out again by the door.  I heard him close and lock the door behind me.

And this is where we get freaky in the bedroom, so if you're uncomfortable with that, you can stop reading now.  Although I doubt anyone's reading this. I already feel loads better. Hah. Thank God for anonymous blogs.

Anyway, the door is closed and locked and we're making out again.  He backs me up until my knees hit the bed closest to the doors and I fall on to the bed.  He goes down with me.  He was wearing a baseball cap but my hands are playing with the hair on his neck and his face.  So he shoves the cap off of his head and I waste no time plunging my hands into his hair.
He tells me to scoot up on the bed because my legs are still dangling off of the bed and he can't lay on top of me fully.  So I push myself up until my head is resting on his (I'm assuming) pillow.  He's laying on top of me.  I insinctually open my legs and he settles in between them.  I wrap my legs around his waist.  Aaaaaand then, we're dry humping. Naturally. We're just heavy petting for a while there when I decide, again, that I want more.
See, I want to think "What an asshole, taking advantage of me like that."  But that's not fair, because we're both drunk and I'm the one that keeps on trying to take his clothes off. I'm giving him all the right signals and no signal that I'm putting off at all would tell him that I'm a virgin.  So, I would never assume that he knew.

I tugged on his pants until he pulled them down.  They weren't off all the way, but it was enough for his dick to breathe.  He was still laying on top of me and leaned to down to ask "Where do you want it?"

Let me tell you - my weakness is oral sex.  I absolutely adore giving it.  I hate recieving it, but there's something about being at the giving end of that act that I simply love.  "In my mouth," I replied, naturally. 

He got up immediately and laid on his back saying, "Well, shit, girl, then put it in your mouth." Obviously not a romantic.  Not that I was expecting him to be.  It was a random beach hook up, not a long term relationship.  Which is exactly what I was looking for. 

It was my turn to smirk as I took him in my mouth.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that I love giving head.  It's definitely my favorite thing to do behind closed doors. 

But, after a little while, he bucked his hips into my mouth when he was already as deep as I could get him.  And that's when I learned my lesson - never drink on an empty stomach.  I puked. On his bedsheets. I mean, I didn't like projectile vomit or anything; it was more like how a baby just kind of spits up.  Actually, I thought he came and since my head was tilting down, it was just kind of spilling out of my mouth. Nope.

I'm still not sure if he actually realizes that I puked on his bed.  But he did look down at me and say, "You alright?" 

I looked at the zucchini and stomach acid in between his legs for a second before giving him a quick "Yep," and sucking him back in.

The next part is kind of fuzzy.  I'm pretty sure he said something that caused me to take him out of my mouth and ask him to repeat himself, but as soon as he was out, he swooped down and started kissing me again.  So I went with it.

Then, we were in the same position as before - he was on top of me while we were making out.  He started trailing kisses down my neck before completely lifting himself off of me and kneeling between my legs.  And he pulled my panties off.  I was wearing a skirt, so it was easy for him.  I'm still laughing about the underwear I was wearing - probably the most virginal underwear I own besides my period-panties.  They were white faux-satin with cream colored lace.  He didn't really look at them, though.  Just through them over his shoulder off the bed.

I'd been in that position before and I knew he was about to eat me out.  And, like I said, I'm not a fan of recieving, just giving.  So I told him.  I said, "Don't do that. I don't like that. It's weird."

He looked really confused and said, "You think I'm not going to return the favor?"  But, thankfully, instead of using his mouth, he used his hand like I had asked.  He still shoved two fingers inside of me really quickly and it was too quick to be really pleasurable because he was stretching me.  My hands automatcally went back to his hair.  He didn't seem to mind.  My hands barely left his hair that entire night. 

As quickly as his fingers came, they went.  Not much pleasure for me, but whatever.

He leaned over me again, but now there was no clothing barriers between our hips.  And before I really knew what he was doing, I felt his dick quickly touch my clit before he moved down a little and sheathed himself inside of me.  It was fast, and it hurt, but not nearly as much as I was expecting.  I thought it was going to be like earth-shattering pain or something, but it was more of a dull throb and it was more uncomfortable than painful.  Like using a jumbo-tampon on the last day of your period.  Yeah, been there, done that.

Regardless, I must've squeeked a little or something because he looked down at me and said, again, "You alright?"

I gave him a little nod and tried to smile, but it probably came out as more of a grimace.  I thought I'd save my own ass and stroke his ego a little and said, "You're just big."

He smirked and said, "Sorry," in a very unapologetic manner.  I turned my face to the lamp on the bedside table because he was staring at me like he knew me or something and it was freaking me out. I'd just met him like an hour or so before I let him inside of me. What the fuck?

And then I remembered. "Wait, do you have a condom?" I asked.  I wasn't on the pill.

He smirked (again) and then said, "No," and it sounded more cocky than it probably should have, so I replied in a very condescending voice.

"Then you're gonna have to pull out," I said slowly.

He scoffed and then said something that sounded like "Obviously," before pounding into me.

It was still uncomfortable, but now I was more concerned about him cumming inside of me.  What if he didn't pull out in time?  So I gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. "I want you to come in my mouth," I told him.

He nodded and then put most of his weight on me, his face in the crook of my neck.  Now, I was more aware of how my body felt and tried to at least make it slightly pleasurable and reached down to rub my clit, which was just super sensitive, so that didn't work.  It just stung. 

I just let him do his thing until he hit a spot that really hurt and I accidentally bit his neck.  He said something that sounded like, "Calm down, Isa," or something that was probably supposed to sound reassuring.  He started kissing my neck then and I turned mine towards his to sink my teeth into his ear instead.  I felt like he deserved some pain after everything he was doing, which I don't really agree with now, but that's what I was thinking at the time.

"I want you to come in my mouth," I reminded him when he started to groan. 

He pulled back, looked me straight in the eye, smirked, and said, "Who said I was close?"  And then bam, bam, bam, he picked up the pace and it hurt like a motherfucking bitch.

Luckily, after only like fifteen seconds of that, he pulled out and said, "If you want it in your mouth, you better start now."

I'm still drunk and I'm still throbbing so putting him in my mouth is the last thing on my mind.  So I reached out and gave him a sloppy, half-minded hand job before he said, "Use your mouth, Isa."

And then I remembered about cumming in my mouth, so I went on down.  I was just cupping his balls as we began to realize that someone was banging on the door.  I think they were knocking for a few minutes before we realized it because the person on the other side screamed, "David, open this fucking door or I swear to God..." 

I didn't put much thought into it.  We both laid down so that he was on his back and I was tucked into his side, so it didn't look like we were doing much.  I put my arm across his torso, but grabbed my hand and put it on his dick, instead.  Clearly, he was only concerned about one thing.  Which was totally fine because it was pretty much the only thing I was concerned about, too.  So I played with his dick for a second before we remebered that the door was locked.  At some point, his shorts and boxers came off, but the only thing I lost were my panties and my skirt covered enough that you couldn't tell that I lost them.  I was still wearing my shoes.

So I got up and, for some reason, I found it necessary to find my panties before I opened the door, but not to put them on.  I hid them behind my back as I quickly unlocked and cracked the door open saying, "Yeah?"

My friend was on the other side of the door saying, "We have to go!" and looking totally blazed out of her fucking mind.

I huffed a little and said, "Give me a sec," before closing the door again.  During my conversation at the door, David had scooted up to the foot of the bed and was looking a me expectingly. 

"I have to go," I told him as I slipped my panties on. 

"What? Why do you have to go?"  He sounded so confused, and I just couldn't help thinking I really hope he's just drunk and not stupid.  Not that that was a stupid question, but his face in that moment just made him look so stupid.

"I'm not here by myself, I'm here with my friend and she has to go," I explained.

He gave me a little nod.  And I leaned down to kiss him quickly and harshly on the lips.

"Be safe," he said softly as I opened the door.  And I wanted to laugh in his face because, really, "safe"?  He just entered me without a condom or knowing whether or not I was on the pill.  I questioned his intellect in my mind again.

But I only replied by saying, "Always."

I left.  I walked out of the room, leaving David behind.  And it was oh-so obvious what we had been doing in there.  I came out fixing my hair and wiping my face clear of pre-cum.  Everyone knew what was up and I passed by more smirks than I care to mention on my way out. 

Of course, on our way back to her summer home, I told my friend what happened because I was so shocked.  However, by the time we reached her home, she had completely forgotten anything after hitting the bowl on the back porch. 

When I laid down that night, I didn't soul-search and I didn't throw myself a pity party.  I fell asleep to my best friend's laughter at Animal Planet and the sound of her munching on spicy Cheez-Its as she said, "Look, Isa! It's a freakin' bison!"


And I saw David the next day.  But maybe I'll write down that story another time.